How are you? A question, a pause, a connection
- Nicola Arnese
- Mar 29
- 2 min read
Last week, during a 1:1 with a colleague, we finished our discussion ten minutes ahead of schedule. The business part was done; clear, efficient, conclusive. What followed was a moment of stillness. No one spoke. We just sat there, present but silent, in that unfamiliar space between what’s planned and what’s real.
Then she looked at me and asked, softly but intentionally: “How are you?”
At first, it seemed like a simple, almost automatic question — the kind we hear and answer without thinking. But this time, it landed differently. There was no rush, no quick follow-up, no hidden agenda. Just the question. And then again, silence. Not the silence of awkwardness, but of space being held. I wasn’t sure how to respond. And maybe that’s what struck me the most: how rare it is to be truly invited to answer, to be offered the time and attention to pause and reflect on how we really are.
In that moment, I realised how powerful such a small gesture can be. Not because of the words themselves, but because of what they carry: care, curiosity, presence. When someone asks “How are you?” and actually means it.
When they are ready to listen, and not just move on, they create a bridge between people. A moment of empathy, of humanity, that transcends roles and responsibilities. It’s a simple act, yet it requires awareness, emotional generosity, and the willingness to slow down.
And even when the answer is just “I’m fine,” something shifts. The tone of voice, the silence that follows, the shared awareness . They all contribute to a deeper connection. You feel seen. You feel human again, not just productive. And sometimes, that’s all we need to carry on with more clarity, more energy, and perhaps even more kindness.
How are you? Don’t underestimate the value of that question. Don’t rush it. Don’t fear the silence that comes with it. Because sometimes, in those quiet spaces, something important happens. Something real.
Questions for reflection:
How often do you offer that kind of space to others and what stops you when you don’t?
What could become possible in your relationships if you leaned more into silence, presence, and unhurried curiosity?
What happens in you, emotionally or physically, when someone asks “How are you?” and really waits for the answer?
Nicola Arnese supports individuals and teams in slowing down to create space for what truly matters—presence, connection, and clarity. Through business coaching, talent coaching, and group coaching, he helps people navigate beyond efficiency to access deeper self-awareness and human connection. Moments of silence, when held with care, often unlock the most meaningful change.
You're welcome to schedule a free, non-binding coaching session to access a pro bono coaching cycle. He offers these sessions during his free hours to ensure no conflicts with other business responsibilities—some scheduling flexibility may be required.
