The trust paradox. When you stop selling, it starts working.

You know those moments when you're talking to someone and, suddenly, everything goes quiet?

Not the awkward kind of silence. I mean the full, dense kind, like after a real, heartfelt conversation with a friend. When you just look at each other and there’s nothing left to say.

That’s where trust begins.

Not in clever words or perfect pitches, but in the space you leave for the other person to breathe.

And to think, we’ve always been told that, to sell or convince someone, you have to speak well, make an impression, be persuasive. But sometimes, the less you say, the better.

In Naples, there was this old man who sold second-hand books. Tiny stall, tucked in a corner, always surrounded by people.

He’d sit there reading his newspaper, and if you stopped by, he’d simply say: “Have a look, no pressure.”

One day I asked him, “Don’t you want to know what I’m looking for?”

And without even looking up, he replied: “If I say something, I might interrupt you. If you find something, you’ll let me know.”

That’s when I understood everything. He wasn’t a salesman. He was a keeper of possibilities.

People trusted him because he wasn’t in a rush. He didn’t push. He didn’t try to persuade anyone. He gave you space. And freedom, as it turns out, is trust’s twin sister.

No one wants to be convinced. At most, we want to be heard. What we truly want is the space to decide, without feeling judged, pushed, or manipulated. Just seen. Just welcomed.

And when you meet someone who isn’t in a hurry, who asks real questions, who listens without jumping to conclusions… That’s when trust shows up on its own.

Not because they convinced you, but because you felt safe.

There’s this wonderful paradox: the more you try to sell, the more people pull away.

But if you relax, maybe offer a glass of water and some small talk, something happens.

They open up. They trust you. And maybe, even say yes.

We can study all the techniques in the world, read the books, attend the courses.

But in the end, trust is born the moment you stop trying to control everything.

When you let go of the need to get something.

And right then, something often happens.

And if nothing happens... that’s okay too.

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Does this way of building relationships resonate with you? Would you like to make it the heart of your work?

Book a free, no-obligation initial session to explore your goals, understand how coaching can support you, and possibly access a pro bono coaching cycle with me, Nicola Arnese.

Nicola offers these sessions during his spare time, to avoid conflicts with other professional commitments. Some flexibility in scheduling may be required.